As Cyclone Alfred approaches, many couples and families are spending the next few days at home together, riding out the storm. It’s completely normal to feel a mix of anxiety, anticipation, and even frustration during times like this. Uncertainty can be stressful, and when we’re in close quarters with our loved ones, it’s easy for tensions to rise. But this time together can also be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and support each other in meaningful ways.
Understanding Anxiety in Times of Uncertainty
First, let’s acknowledge that feeling anxious right now is completely understandable. Our brains are wired to seek safety, and unpredictable events like cyclones can trigger heightened stress responses. You might notice yourself feeling more irritable, restless, or on edge. Your partner might express their anxiety differently—perhaps by withdrawing, becoming overly focused on logistics, or even snapping at small things.
Instead of letting this create unnecessary conflict, try to recognize that anxiety manifests in different ways for different people. This is a moment to practice patience and gentleness with each other.
Accepting Influence: A Gottman Principle for Connection
One of the most important things you can do for your relationship during this time is to accept influence from each other. In Gottman Method therapy, accepting influence means being open to your partner’s ideas, perspectives, and emotions rather than dismissing or resisting them. Research shows that couples who accept influence from one another build stronger, more connected relationships.
What does this look like in practice?
If your partner suggests a way to prepare for the storm (e.g., "Let’s make sure we have extra batteries on hand"), try responding with openness: "That’s a great idea. Let’s check what we have."
If they express worry, instead of dismissing it, validate their feelings: "I can see you’re feeling anxious. I feel a bit uneasy too, but we’re doing everything we can to stay safe."
If tensions rise, take a breath and ask yourself: "How can I show up as a teammate right now instead of getting defensive?"
By working together and accepting each other’s influence, you can create a sense of security and teamwork, which helps lower stress for everyone in the household.
Settling the Nervous System
In times of heightened anxiety, it’s essential to take care of your nervous system. Here are a few simple ways to do that:
Move your body: If it’s safe, stretch, do some light exercises, or even dance around the living room.
Take deep breaths: Inhale deeply for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for four. Repeat as needed.
Limit exposure to distressing news: Stay informed, but if the constant updates are overwhelming, take intentional breaks.
Engage in calming activities: Read, listen to music, do a puzzle, or play a game to shift your focus.
Supporting Kids Through the Storm
If you have children at home, they’re likely picking up on the stress around them. Kids need reassurance, but they also benefit from honesty at a level they can understand. Instead of dismissing their feelings, acknowledge and validate them.
For example, you can say: "It’s okay to feel nervous. I feel a little nervous too, but we’re prepared, and we’re going to be okay."
If they’re feeling anxious, help them focus on activities that bring comfort—reading stories, drawing, or playing a game together. Giving kids a sense of normalcy and control can make a big difference.
Stay Informed from Reliable Sources
Misinformation can fuel anxiety, so make sure to rely on trusted sources for updates:
ABC News (https://www.abc.net.au/news)
Queensland Fire and Emergency Services (https://www.qfes.qld.gov.au)
Queensland Police Service (https://mypolice.qld.gov.au)
Bureau of Meteorology (BOM) (https://www.bom.gov.au)
Check these sources periodically, but remember—it’s okay to step away from the news if it becomes overwhelming.
Using Gentle Communication During Stress
Anxiety can make communication more reactive. To keep the atmosphere at home as calm as possible, try using Gottman’s Softened Start-Up approach.
Instead of saying: "Why haven’t you done anything to get ready?" Try: "I’m feeling a little anxious about preparing. Can we go over what we still need to do together?"
Instead of: "You’re always overreacting about things like this." Try: "I see that you’re worried. What can I do to help you feel more at ease?"
Using "I" statements instead of accusations can make a huge difference in how conversations unfold.
Final Thoughts
This is a stressful time, but you’re not alone. Use this period to connect with each other, offer support, and practice kindness. If things feel overwhelming, take breaks, focus on grounding yourself, and remind each other: We’ve got this.
Stay safe, look out for each other, and remember—this too shall pass.
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