Should we get a dog together? What your answer might reveal about your relationship

Some cute dogs I know. (They are mine)

You’ve been talking about it for months. Maybe one of you has been sending the other reels of golden retrievers and cavoodles at 11pm. Maybe you’ve even done a sneaky scroll through rescue pages together on the couch. Getting a dog as a couple feels exciting, and maybe even like the logical next step.

But before you put down a deposit, can I give you the voice of someone who has been in the room with hundreds of couples?

Getting a dog together is genuinely one of the most revealing things a young couple can do. Not because it’s a test, but because it asks questions of your relationship that you might not have answered yet. And the conversations you have before the dog arrives matter more than the breed you choose.

It may seem obvious, but sometimes we can forget to have these type of conversations:

A dog needs routine. Someone has to walk the dog when it's early and when it’s cold and you’re tired and you have work. Someone has to leave the party early. Someone has to pay the vet bill that you absolutely did not budget for. Someone has to be the one who does the training when it’s frustrating and slow. And when one of you travels for work, someone has to figure out the whole situation.

None of that is a reason not to get a dog. Dogs are wonderful and the research on pet ownership and wellbeing is genuinely compelling. But it’s a reason to have a real conversation first.

The conversations worth having before you get the dog:

Who takes primary responsibility for the daily care, the walks, the feeding, the vet appointments? What happens when one of you travels? How are we splitting the costs, and do we have an emergency fund for unexpected vet bills? What are our boundaries around the dog, on the furniture, in the bedroom? What happens to the dog if we break up?

That last one is uncomfortable. Have it anyway.

What the dog conversation reveals:

If any of this feels too hard to discuss, then maybe it's time to get support on how to have these conversations?

The best couples I work with aren’t the ones who never have hard conversations. They’re the ones who’ve learned how to have them without it feeling like the relationship is on the line.

If you’re genuinely aligned on all of it?

Get the dog. Give it a ridiculous name*. Let it sleep on the bed when crate training fails.

And if the conversation reveals something you didn’t expect, that’s actually useful too. Better to know now than six months in, with a dog and a problem.

Thinking about getting a dog or navigating bigger decisions as a couple? I work with couples in their twenties who want to build something solid from the start. Book a session at https://www.brisbanecouplescounselling.com/services-and-fees

*such as my dog who we named Spinifex. It's a long story.