Why do we do an individual session in Gottman couples therapy?

One of the questions I sometimes get from couples starting Gottman Method therapy is: “Why do we each need to have an individual session?” It’s a great question and the answer speaks to the heart of what makes couples therapy so unique and effective.

Couples Therapy Is VERY different to individual therapy

When you're in the room with your partner, it’s not just you in the session, it's both of your histories, emotions, perspectives, beliefs, attachment styles, communication patterns, and more. All of that is present and active in the relationship dynamics we're working to understand and shift.

Because of this, the assessment process has to be deep, fair, and thorough. A good assessment sets the foundation for meaningful and effective therapeutic work. As couples therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw puts it, “Couples therapy requires complex analysis AND urgent improvement.” In other words, we need to get to the heart of what's going on quickly and accurately so that we can start helping you feel better, faster.

The Role of the Individual Session

The individual session (one per person during the assessment phase) is not about “digging up dirt” or finding out who’s right or wrong. It’s about understanding you as a whole person, in your own words.

I want to understand:

• What you learned growing up about love, conflict, and connection

• How emotions were expressed or handled in your family of origin

• Major life experiences: good, bad, and everything in between

• Your core values, beliefs, and philosophies about relationships

• How you typically cope with stress, disappointment, or disconnection

• Any current or past experiences (personal or relational) that are shaping how you show up in your relationship today

  
  

All of this helps me see the full picture, beyond just what shows up in the room when you and your partner are interacting. When I understand both partners’ backgrounds and perspectives, I can better identify the patterns between you, and tailor interventions that actually fit you as a couple.

It’s About Fairness and Depth

Doing these individual sessions ensures that each partner has a safe space to speak openly, without interruption or fear of judgment. This step also helps me, as your therapist, stay balanced and attuned to each of your unique experiences. That way, no one feels “ganged up on” or like their voice isn’t being heard.

The individual session isn’t a detour, it’s a crucial part of the journey. It allows me to meet you where you are, understand who you are, and support you both more effectively. At the end of the day, couples therapy isn’t just about fixing problems, it’s about building a deeper, stronger, more compassionate connection between two people. And that work starts with understanding each person in the relationship, not just the relationship itself.

If you'd like to more about how couples therapy works at Brisbane Couples Counselling, please email me at info@brisbanecouplescounselling.com. All emails come through directly to me, Michelle.

Alternatively, you can book in directly here: